i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
