the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize