i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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