How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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