I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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