I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
