dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
