If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
