people are starting to question the shark bite story
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize