Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
