Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
