Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
