Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Found the puke drawer
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My vagina is officially offended.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize