Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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