Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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