you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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