New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
