I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
