I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
