I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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