At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
