I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
