So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
