the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
