I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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