Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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