My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
