Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize