Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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