I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
