Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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