Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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