Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
