She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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