My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
vagina is talking i cant
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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