When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
