wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
