i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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