Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize