she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
