i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
