Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
