is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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