youre lurking in front of me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
