I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
