I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
