so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
