Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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