Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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