did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
