i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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