I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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