My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
