Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
