Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
