I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
