I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
