I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
