Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she smelled like a LAN party
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
