During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
