Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
