Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
