I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
