If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
