Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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