Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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